Another great day in poker yesterday. All weekend I'd been having decent success, cashing in a lot of tourneys, but never for more than twice my buy-in or so. I got home from an interview for the part-time job I want to have while I do school full-time, and entered a $6+0.60 satellite to a $24+2 MTT, and I won my way in. Then I finished 5th out of 500 or so for $843!! I took out $600, which is over a month's rent, and I will try to win more with the rest.

Once we were down to about 15 people I was very close to 1st, but went card dead. I folded my way down to 7th where I had to make a decision. I got KQ and there was a large raise before me. Go all-in or fold? If I go all-in and lose, I only get $300 or so. If I win... Well that's great, but is it worth the risk? And if I fold, there are two short stacks that are likely to go out, so I folded and got 5th. I went out when I had less than half the chips of the 4th place guy and pushed with K9, losing to AQ.

The most emotion twisting hand of my life happened with about 35 people left. I was starting to get a little low in chips and a guy who had a bit less than me raises, so I decide my AQ is probably better than what he has because I think he's playing desperate. I put him all-in, he calls with 99. Flop comes. I see an Ace. YES!!!! Then I see a Q. YES!!! It was only then that I noticed the 9 sandwiched between the A and Q, and I started crying. Not really, but you know what I mean. But then the turn came A, and I screamed, and pumped my fist and kissed my dog and then fell on my face jumping over a couch while running around the room. It was worth it. Even so, I can't do that ina live game. Nor can I shake like a leaf, which is something I often do in big hands. And I do think there's an obvious visual difference between my shaking when I'm in a big hand and I'm certain I've got the guy, and when I'm bluffing. All my life in big confrontations I've gotten shaky and blood rushes to my face and my eyes get red/teary. I really need to figure out how to keep calm. Strange how I've always been cool and collected in real emergencies, but if I'm facing down a bully, or arguing for on my behalf in a retail exchange of some sort, or playing a big hand in poker, my heart just goes crazy in a way it doesn't if I'm in a car crash or some other dangerous situation. Maybe because I can't control one, so I don't feel the need to stress about it?

Edit: I just ran the math. I multiplied my initial $6.60 investment by 12788%. Unless I got the math wrong, which I doubt. 843.96/6.6