An homage to the Onion:

Illegal immigrants destroying the hopes and dreams of Mexicans
AP Wire

Joe Hernandez is mad, and he's not going to take it anymore. His job as a manual laborer used to be considered the height of respectability in his country. "With all these Americans crossing the border and taking white collar jobs that Mexicans won't do, it's making wages rise across the board and making me seem less educated," Mr. Hernandez said, as he shoveled apile of manure into a wheelbarrow. "You see that picture over there?", he said, pointing at a picture of Intel CEO Andy Grove. "That bastard tried to come in here and build a factory and give us jobs that would afford us their fancy brick homes instead of traditional Mexican mud hovels. That's why we put that picture up, so we could throw crap at it." Joe spent the next 15 minutes teaching a group of interested elementary school dropouts how to pick up a piece of shit and hit the center of the target, Mr. Grove's nose. "These kids are our future, and the last thing we need is for them to get too far in to this school stuff. That may be good enough for Americans, but we support a lower standard here."

Illegal immigration in to Mexico has long been a sticking point in relations between the two countries. U.S. Consul Grady Smith says the problem is not ours, but the Mexican governments'. "As long as their businesses continue to hire white people at salaries Mexicans refuse to work for, white people will continue to sneak across the border and become CEO's. Those are jobs even black people won't take."

The illegal labor has been estimated to have raised the average wage in Mexico at least $2 an hour. Diego Garcia, head of Mexico's large shit-shoveling Union, popularly known as the stinkers, is pooping mad. "It's a bunch of bullshit when a man works his butt off moving this crap and these white people come in and tell us they are giving us raises. I didn't work this hard just to become like an American. We want justice!!"

Perhaps the most vehement anti-immigration activists are members of the extreme left wing political group, "Mexicans for Third World Glory." "We grew up in these slums, our parents grew up in these slums, and our grandparents built these slums on the backs of the slums that came before. These Americans keep trying to come in and steal our charming and destitute way of life, and we will not let them destroy our culture with their economic 'growth' and sensical means of production. It's against everything we stand for!" The group plans protest marches next week and is garning support to build a wall across the border. To that end they have been collecting enough discarded newspaper to make a paper-mache wall that will go about one third of the way. "We're almost halfway there. Paper mache is the strongest building material known to Mexicans. Surely it will be enough to stem the tide."